New York Newsletter, March 17, 2006
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Part of the team is heading south to LA for some fun in the
sun, or rather, rain. Most of the great state of California is
experiencing unseasonably cool climes. So much for us busting out the flip
flops mid-March. Guess that means we'll have to bundle up and cuddle close
which is actually more of a necessity, than a choice. See, we'll all be
bunking in the same hotel room. That's right people, Splendora slumber
party.
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PEACE TRAIN
Showing up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed whenever
you're out in the public eye has got to be tough. Our odd outfit combos
and wrinkled hair would land many a Splendora staffer on the "What Was She
Thinking?" worst dressed page on a weekly basis if we were one of the
hunted from Hollywood. And even though L-squared usually is picture
perfect, flashing a politically correct hand signal does not always
distract from the war-torn wizened party face that she and other LA
starlets sport. So what can Lohan learn from fellow gesture maven Sharon
Stone? Take a cue from the master, when you've been pilly and vodka-ed up
for days during a, "I just don't get offered the good roles like Scarlett
Johansson/Teri Hatcher does" bender, pose for the photogs with sunglasses
on. It'll keep the pics of the dilated pupils at bay. And wear bright
lippy, it'll distract from the red wine stained mouth and teeth you may
have incurred while boozing it up in the limo.
Peacenik
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THAT VOODOO THAT YOU
DO
Let's
face it: Britney Spears is no longer leading the life of a young, hot,
fabulous pop star. Granted, Brit is a new mother, so shimmying her stuff
onstage is probably the furthest thing from her mind. But lately, Britney
has turned to Jewish and Hindu advisors to spiritually center her,
possibly laying the groundwork for a career comeback. Now all Brit must do
is reform her deadbeat husband and she'll be living the high life once
again. Perhaps seeking some Voodoo counseling and pretending that this wee
doll (at left) is Kevin will help. Maybe pressing a couple of pins into
his PopoZao will whip him into shape and put an end to his skeezy ways. We
recommend the following procedure: poke him in the legs to end his bogus
breakdancing, stick him in the gullet to stop his beer-funneling ways, and
finally, hit the voicebox so we don't have to hear any more lame lyrics.
Ouch! Didja feel that K. Fed?
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HOW
DID THAT GET GREENLIT?
For
the past few years movies have been a sorry state of affairs. In a sea of
s&!^ there have been only a handful of lovely gems: Me & You & Everyone We
Know, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Lost In Translation, etc.
But the majority of films being haphazardly thrown into theatres should be
trashed in la basura upon arrival. Even Project Greenlight sucks-
a show that glorifies the process of bad movies being put into production.
Ironic, or just true to life? Below are some of the most obvious movie
missteps. Are you listening, studio heads?
The Suspicious
Sequels: Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Cheaper By The Dozen 2, Basic
Instinct 2; if the first one was horrendous, why force us to stomach
another?
The Remakes: The Pink Panther, Psycho, The Longest
Yard; some classics are not meant to be touched. Watching Van Sant's
botched Hitchcock remake makes us cringe.
The Just Plain Bad
Bombs: Take Firewall, a recent example; bank robbers are never as hot
as Paul Bettany, IT guys are never as rugged as Harrison Ford, and we
really don't need to see our beloved Han Solo playing the patriarchal hero
once again. It's like Air Force One, minus the plane and Harrison playing
President. Other examples include Gigli, Swept Away, and Battlefield
Earth.
*Photo credited to Warner Brothers
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SALES & SAUCY
HAPPENINGS: NEW YORK
ALICE + OLIVIA Sale
Run, run run– Alice
+ Olivia's tailored pants and tops are 50-70% off right now. Sale only
runs thru this Friday afternoon. Alice + Olivia is located at: 80
West 40th St., second fl., 212.840.1155.
STERLING PLACE
Sale
Get ready to reorganize for spring. Sterling Place has
everything you need to update your casa- at up to 40% off. Now you
can purchase all of those odds and ends that will put the finishing
touches on your living quarters- leather journals, fragrant candles, and
more. Sterling Place is
located at: 363 Atlantic Ave., 718.797.5667.
For Sales &
Saucy Happenings in SAN FRANCISCO, Click Here
For Sales &
Saucy Happenings in LOS ANGELES, Click
Here
For Sales & Saucy Happenings in NEW YORK, Click Here
www.splendora.com
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Ciao,
Splendora
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