San Francisco Newsletter, June 16, 2006

Granted this is not the first time we have written about "Saved By The Bell," but hearing those all too familiar lyrics "ring" from the TV - "When I wake up in the morning, and the alarm lets out a warning..." - brings back a flood of teenage memories (especially since SBTB introduced us to the first and most gigantic cell phone on the planet). Even today, we find ourselves tuning into TBS early morning to catch Zack, Kelly, Slater, and the gang manipulate their way out of detention with everyone's favorite princiPAL, Mr. Belding. Laugh if you will, but you know that you, too, can't turn away from watching Jessie "I'm so excited" Spano struggle with an addiction to "Keep Alert" pills, or Slater as he seemingly plays every sport during every season of the school year. Our love of "Saved by the Bell" lead us to ponder what the elite six (not counting Tori - she was a fluke) are up to these days. No matter how far they've fallen from B (to C, to D...)-list status, we're "SBTB" lovers 'till the end.

Mario Lopez (a.k.a. "A.C. Slater"): the last time we saw him, he was dancing the night away at Mood surrounded by a flock of lady admirers. He was not wearing Z. Cavariccis.
Mark-Paul Gosselaar (a.k.a. "Zack Morris"): He's brunette now, and has landed roles on a couple primetime dramas ("Commander in Chief," "NYPD Blue"). Still hot.

Continue reading SBTB ROUNDUP

Save Screech's House!

Have the trailers for " The Lake House" got you scratching your noggin, too? Ummm, we're not dumb broads, but we are, like, totally confused as to what this Keanu/Sandra vehicle (a.k.a. "Speed 3" on a lake, minus any whizzing boats) is about. Here's the premise as we understand it: Alex (Keanu) and Kate (Sandra) begin an anonymous, epistolary relationship; Mr. and Ms. Lonely Hearts slowly begin to open up to one another, but there's a catch - they're living two years apart. WTF? The bewildering plot line begs a number of questions: What type of freaky mailman was delivering the letters? Haven't they heard of email? How does that tree spontaneously grow in the trailer? What will happen when they try to meet? Will the universe explode in some kind of "Donny Darko" meets "Back to the Future" rip in the space/time continuum? An hour long office debate left us with no better understanding of the plot, so we turned to Rotten Tomatoes for some critical assistance. While Ebert and Roper gave it two thumbs up (saps), others slam it for having major "credibility gaps" and liken it "to being force-fed cotton candy laced with Xanax"- yummy. One critic offers a ray of hope, lauding the film's "spectacular ending." This is movie marketing at its best: execs are preying on your puzzlement, forcing you to dish out cash to watch a saccharine-laden flick with a M. Night Shyamalan-inspired, big twist ending. The only way we'll watch this one is if it's playing on our next coast-to-coast flight.
*Photo Licensed to: Photorazzi

Tomatometer Ratings Here

With her stringy blond locks, rumpled boho clothing, and generally disheveled appearance, Daryl Hannah could easily pass for a modern day hippie (Mary-Kate hobo chic, with a way lower style quotient). She's a peacenik all the way, recently camping out in a tree to protest the sale of farmland to developers. We're all for social activism - y'know, fighting against "the man" and all that good stuff - but can't help but laugh at the thought of Daryl being untangled from the walnut tree pre-arrest. With her flaxen, straw-like hair growing wildly around her face, it seems she actually started to meld into the tree's prickly branches, which authorities had to cut away just to get her down. Can't you just see the birds nesting on her head? Daryl should take the splintery situation as a sign: we much prefer her when she's swimming around underwater (a la "Splash") than picketing grievances way above ground. Talk about a fish out of water story.
*Photo credited to A Socialite's Life

Defamer's Daryl Hannah Roundup

STERN GROVE FESTIVAL Kick-Off
Fun, sun (hopefully), and amazing music - that's what you can expect at the Stern Grove Festival, a summer long happening featuring free outdoor concerts from some of today's best performers. This Sunday at 2:00, catch songstress Aimee Mann and Seu Jorge as they bring some quality entertainment to S.F. denizens. Stern Grove is located at: 19th Avenue and Sloat Boulevard, 415.252.6253. Click to Stern Grove Online.

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