So lately I have been thinking about how our earliest memories effect our taste in things like beauty, glamour, fashion and style. How do we develop our personal taste and does it have a lot to do with the way we were raised? What about where we grew up? How linked is our current sense of style to our nostalgic feelings towards things from our childhood? Is it all an issue of finding comfort in the familiar?

 I ask these questions because I was thinking about how the current stream of fashion - a mish mash of 80's touchstones like tights and volume, 60's prints and colors, late 70's trouser silhouettes and feminine 40's hair - depends a lot on who's buying it and why. Paul and I were browsing some fashion magazines and he noted how much he hated the new high waists and volumized sleeves. I noted that I think they are at the height of sophistication and that I've always associated these things with femininity. He said "That's the stuff that was popular when I was a teenager and I hated it. The stuff I like is from my parents generation, clean lines and yadda yadda" - we have a 16 year age difference between us. I told him that when I was a teenager everyone wore flaired and "aged" jeans, flip flops, Jennifer Aniston wannabe hair and A&Fitch tee's. Minimalism was the most boring thing in the world to me.  

 I first recognized style in the late 1980's. Among my first impressions of glamourous women were Dolly Parton and Barbie. Being raised in Texas also inflicted on me the idea that bigger hair and bluer eyeshadow is always the sensible choice. I remember my Aunt Janet had the teased, bleached, out there hair that never had roots. She would wear mint eyeshadow and gold lame belts over red tunic sweaters and white leggings that hugged her itty bitty size 4 figure. I also recall my mother had a huge array of spicy powerhouse perfumes that I associated with womanhood - Youth Dew, Halston, Chantilly and my personal favorite Oscar De La Renta. She also sold Avon so there was no shortage of opaque red gloss and silver frosted peach blush in the house.  

Needless to say, my earliest concepts of what makes a sophisticated lady were sharply defined. I seriously thought that when I grew up I would look something like Miss USA 1988 or Vanna White. "Why wear make up unless it looks like you're wearing it?" I thought. If you are going to step out at night, shouldn't you sparkle in sequins? I also was heavily saturated by television and the wonders of VHS. Rogers & Hammerstein musicals from the 50's were regular viewing in our home. The glamour of old Hollywood was something that amazed me, yet remianed unatainable.

So it's no coincidence today that minimalism is most definately not my first choice in anything. I do appreciate modern furnishings, clean lines, hair with not too much product, tinted moisturizer and nude lipgloss, but I will always get excited over something pink and satin or metallic leather. It's just something that will be programmed into me for the rest of my life.     

 I really do believe the things that we're exposed to in our earliest years have affected the way we dress and groom ourselves today. I wonder if it's something we should fight or embrace?

My my what a crazy month I'm having, full of change. I've just moved into a new place. I've also gotten hired at a seasonal job with Coach! Very exciting, but also so nerve racking. I have a lot to prove if I want to be kept on as a regular sales person. 

Back late in September I started having some self esteem issues. Much of it stemmed from my boyfriends observation that I'm not as graceful as I could be after I experienced a string of spastic restauraunt accidents - when I work hard or get stressed, I become unforgivably clumsy and ill mannered. I was at first hurt to hear this, but I knew he was right. Having a pubescent growth spurt much earlier than most girls my age and also coming from a tall, gangly line of Slavic farmers has made my arms and legs rather awkward and sometimes not in tune with the rest of my body. I also realized that wanting to get into print modeling and acting is a huge motivation to begin Ballet classes to be followed up with Yoga. 

In High School I dabbled in dance with my untoned giant gumby body and realized that I am in fact, graceful when I want to be. Today it's more important than ever for a woman to be confident in her own skin, especially in a city like LA where looks and first impressions can mean life changing work. Fickle as it is, this is a society of superficiality and the desire to be appealing. So I've decided to take Ballet back up after my holdiay working hours die down and to start Yoga when the warmer months return in 2008. There's no swimming pool in my new complex, so I must have some means of fitness.    

I take more notice of people's posture now that I think about my own. It says a lot about ones self esteem, their occupation, their opinions of themselves and their surroundings. It's telling, just like your shoes. I was flipping through a People magazine the other day with my boyfriend and he remarked that Julia Styles looked terrible - he showed me the picture and I thought "What does he mean? Her hair and ensemble are perfect - the makeup is a bit dark, but she looks put together". He pointed out that it was her slouching, her slight and insincere smile and hands in her pocket that were so unflattering. It all hit suddenly me - her chin was down against her neck and her arms against her body made her look bored and uninterested in the fact that she was being photographed in a stunning couture dress. It made me think: Does this beautiful, talented girl not care about being an actress, an admired celebrity, a fashion plate and an attractive woman all at once?!  

"Posture really does mean everything" I thought to myself. I'm relieved that I came upon these revelations before I began applying to holiday work. Now that I've been hired at a high profile boutique, It's time to get back into the art of socializing, having confidence, grace and the ability to make people take notice in the kind of person I am.  

Dear Diary,

Last month I went on a hair modeling gig for Wella Studios and had my mane cut into what I could only describe as a neo-pixie. Christopher Dove was the artist who bestowed upon me this new look and of course I felt confident that I would not leave looking anything less than edgy. Now at first I was shocked, but I sincerely felt it looked good, even if the silvered ash blonde shade wasn't what I asked for. It was an assignment - you take the pay and let them turn you into their own personal Barbie head.   

I was attempting (in vain) to recreate Chris's magic with my Bumble & Bumble wax in front of the bathroom mirror when I remembered that several of my latest issues from Vogue and Bazaar were praising the return of short hair as sexy and smart. Now I know everybody these days is in automatic mode to associate short hair with Peter Pan tomboyishness. They immediately picture Mia Farrow or Twiggy, underweight and flaunting child-like bird legs in baby doll tunics. I love that look as much as the next fashion junky, but when did everyone forget that short hair was once the epitome of girlish sensuality, almost synonymous with padded bosoms and high heels? I asked myself: can we make this hot again?

Then I got to thinking about all my favorite fashion and film icons of the past - Marilyn, Audrey, Liz, Kim Novak, Dorothy Dandridge - the 50's was a time of exaggerated, almost garish "femininity". But now we, a generation obsessed with velcro weaves, $300 straightening irons and curling barrels that could double as blunt weapons have concluded that only mermaid locks that can cover breasts should be sexy. The Atomic Age spotlighted some long locks, as seen with Mansfield and Bardot, but let's not forget that when Monroe was at her peak of fame in the mid 50's, her hair was nearly shaved behind her ears. 

 The absence of superfluous hair puts an emphasis on everything else - lashes, curves, necks, shoulders, legs and lips. Short layers that frame the face can give a young, doll-like quality to the skin and even put definition on cheekbones. Long hair is sometimes interpretted as a way to hide or draw attention from these features. Don't get me wrong, it looks great on a lot of women, but it feels dowdy on me, hides everything and feels like baggage, weight even. Does that mean I can't look good? I hope not. Long hair is something that's difficult to maintain anyway. Quick growing hair does not come naturally to everyone which also makes it hard to achieve. Even Jessica Simpson can't get "Jessica Simpson hair" without her own line of hair extensions. 

I say go bobs, pixies and yes....even pageboys can be stylin'! Make it sexy again ladies. Don't want to go short? That probably means you look great with long hair. Good for you! Always do what looks good on you. But to all the ladies that are sick of the maintenance, tired of keeping up with the trend and the whole desire to look like a Malibu Fairy Tale Princess, I say try it above the chin.