So, I’m doing my taxes… (I know that does not sound like an interesting opening, but hopefully it gets better.)  So, I’m doing my taxes, and I realize, that half of the money I made this year was from my acting career.  And 75% of the money I made was from creative work.  This felt pretty good.  I wanted to share because for years I wondered if I would ever be able to make a living doing the only thing I have ever truly loved – telling stories -  and for the first time this year it has seemed more than possible.

I remember being four years old and making my family sit down to watch me do a show.  I don’t remember what I performed, but sometimes there were puppets and sometimes my father accompanied me on the guitar.  I had a captive audience in my mother and grandparents, who we lived with at the time, and I was… joyful.

I also remember being in junior high and a friend’s mother asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I’d just been cast as Sarah in “Guys and Dolls” and I was only in seventh grade - a lead in seventh grade was a pretty big deal considering the eight graders always got the leads - so it seemed everything was lining up just as it should be, and I confidently stated that I was going to be an actress.  And, I remember she looked at me and smiled an utterly condescending smile.  She told me how she thought she was going to be an actress once, and how it had proven to be an impossible dream.  It was “a terrible life”, she said, and you’ll never be able to support yourself.  I looked into her sad eyes, bittered with experiences I did not understand, and a seed of doubt was planted.

I tucked this memory away and never consciously thought about it again. To this day I don’t remember which friend this mother belonged to, but a possibility, inconsistent with the joyful life I imagined, got stuck somewhere in my head.  It was possible I would fail.

I went forward and pretended I wasn’t afraid.  It wouldn’t happen to me.  I wouldn’t be her.  Painstaking devotion to my craft propelled me forward, and after a while I lost sight of why behind my need to succeed.  

This year marks a return to joy.  Not because of my what I noticed while doing my taxes, but because I realized I had a fear of failure that was preventing me from feeling good about my path.  Once I figured out where that fear came from, and remembered the me before the fear, I was able to let it go.

I know I what I love.  I am I doing it every day.  Some days I make money, some days I don’t, but I trust I will always be supported by it… and so it is.

MYTH: All actresses are crazy, shallow, unstable, backstabbing, manipulative, fake and insecure.

Fortunately, I don’t know these women. And while I’m sure some exist, I have to say that the actresses in this town that I’ve had the pleasure of knowing are some of the most interesting, creative, altruistic, caring, hard-working, supportive and loving people I’ve ever encountered.

So, I wanted to take a moment to give a little shout out to my circle of ladies who are spreading positive energy wherever they go and giving “actresses” a good name. Here are a few things we are doing to dispel the myth:

We are supporting each other in our lives and in our work - knowing that if the whole is stronger we are all individually stronger. (Thank you everyone at Warner Loughlin Studios.)

We are keeping each other grounded and in touch with the world outside of Hollywood - sharing stories of people who actually struggling and encouraging each other to help and stay informed. (Thank you Christine Daley)

We are committing to our friendships - carving time out of our busy work schedules and love lives to spend together – reminding each other that this is important. (Thank you Alex Safford and Karina Bennett)

We are creating viable projects with rich female characters for ourselves and other actresses. (Thank you Jen Dede, Elena Evangelo, Dana Cuomo, Cerina Vincent, Courtney Rackley, Alex Safford, and Jennifer Kushner)

LA TREND REPORT: Amazing actresses leading incredible lives, defeating the odds, and giving each other (and our myth-spreading doubters) faith that within our profession success, balance, perspective and joy are all possible.