So, now I'm in the lurch.  I finally have what I've been asking of God for many years; an opportunity to make a major change.  Now it's up to me to develop a make or break mentality.  God has given me the creative tools with which to work; I just need to be consistent. 

It's time for me to develop a level of discipline that matches that given to the 9 to 5, or the 8 to 4 as is the case.  While struggling to keep my literary fire ignited, I've discovered a very important fact: writing cannot be sporadic, something that's done haphazardly, not if I intend to make it my living. 

Another thing I've discovered that hinders my progress is fear.  Fear to a writer (or anyone else striving to be successful) can be paralyzing.  You have one of two choices, you succumb to your fear of failure, or you work through it.  I choose what's behind door # 2.  If I do nothing, I accomplish nothing.

In my research of writer's resources, I've been fortunate to find some well developed websites that actually have workable information and advice for the novice as well as the established writer.  I've subscribed to a number of newsletters but the most informative for me have been Beth Erickson's Writing, Etc. (Filbert Publishing), Article Answers, by Georganne Fiumara, creator of the Write An Article A Day  program, and the outstanding How to Start a Successful Freelance Career, authored by Yuwanda Black, CEO and Founder of Inkwell Editorial.

These newsletters have been more than an inspiration to my creative muse, they're overflowing with useful information, not just the same, old, rehashed pseudo-info from the self-proclaimed gurus of freelance writing.  How to Start a Successful Freelance Career has numerous resources from freelance job listings to interviews with successful freelance writers who've been doing the do for awhile.  Inkwelleditorial.com is a Mecca of information, e-books, testimonials, and offers a wonderful series called "A day in the life…" Here writers, editors, and others who make their living doing all things literary, tell their stories of conquest, and give the reader insight on how to maintain a successful freelance career.

So, here I am, at a real crossroads, trying to prepare for change during these last days in my comfort zone.  Consistency, discipline, and drive are major forces needed to succeed as a freelance writer.  The responsibility ultimately lies with me; I am the boss and the employee all rolled up into one.  With a little faith in my ability, a whole heap of faith in God, and the fervent prayer of a righteous woman, I believe I'll do fine.

Keep writing.

Yesterday, I went to my doctor for my annual physical (which I hadn’t had in 3 years).  Actually, it was a return visit from about a month ago, when I went in for a minor respiratory and eye infection.  The doctor busted me and “insisted” that I make a follow-up appointment for a physical.

So I went in for the usual poking and prodding, female exams, and an EKG.  Praise the name of Jesus, everything was fine.  All the important numbers were down:  blood pressure, sugar, and weight (hallelujah!)  I still have a few tests to go, but after standard blood work, urine test, and a newfangled tetanus shot (the next one is at age 59) I was good to go. 

This was surprising considering the kind of week it had been at the school where I work.  My doctor sat patiently with obligatory look of sympathy on her face as I vented the frustration I was feeling.

Monday of this week, one of our students was shot and killed by another student a couple of blocks away from the school. An earlier altercation between a number of students and the shooter was said to be the cause behind the tragedy.  To add insult to injury, the student that was shot was not the intended victim.  He was merely in the wrong place (off school premises during school hours) at the wrong time. 

So I vented.  I vented about my frustration at the senselessness of it all; the shooting death of yet another student whose mother sent him to school that morning expecting him to return home that afternoon.  I vented about the violence that plagues our inner city schools on a regular basis, enough for it to be considered the norm.  I vented about the fact that a quiet day is considered an anomaly.  And I was thankful someone listened.

My doctor pleaded with me not to give up on the children.  I’m sure the despair in my voice betrayed me.  Maybe I have given up just a little, but only because the feelings of helplessness are overwhelming.  The children are hurting; they’re broken through no fault of their own.  They don’t come into this world broken.  We break them.  Life breaks them. They grow into broken adults who go on to break their offspring, and the cycle of generational curses continues.

My mind has been reeling since the incident occurred.  I’m trying to wrap my brain around some normalcy again.  Each time something like this happens, it takes longer to recoup.  My prayers are with all involved; students, parents, teachers, friends and enemies alike.  I’m praying that I don’t give up completely.  Unfortunately, this probably means leaving the system after 11 years of service in order to keep my sanity and to avoid becoming bitter. 

Whatever it takes to keep my numbers down…

Well, my vacation is over as of today.  I've been off since Good Friday, the start of our church's celebration of the Holy weekend.  We had a wonderful Good Friday service at one of our sister churches.  Saturday was pretty much a breather.  Then on Resurrection (Easter) Sunday, we had a grand morning service, celebrating the resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, at one of Detroit's great historical monuments, the beautiful Fox Theatre.

The culmination of Holy Weekend was a world class concert given by my Pastor, Marvin L. Winans.

We returned to the Fox at 7:00 p.m. Sunday evening for a great gospel good time with Pastor who was joined in concert by the magnificent Clark Sisters and new comer gospel sensation, Tye Tribbett.  Our orchestra and gospel ensemble (the students of Winans Academy of Performing Arts) performed and literally brought tears to all of our eyes.  We were so proud of our young people; many who have graduated from the Academy and gone on to prestigious colleges and careers.

I was reminded of how many of gospel music's greatest performers hail from the Big D, Detroit, 'Motown,' Michigan.  The Winans and the Clark Sisters are icons of contemporary gospel, blessed of God with tremendous talent, but most importantly, they strive to live the life of Holiness they sing about.  Not a perfect life, but with a heart that is perfect toward God.  It was a blast to say the least.

The week following was filled with leisurely mornings and days filled with creative musings that led to more writing than I've been capable of in a long time.

So, now, with only a few moments left of Saturday evening, the last day of my vacation is upon me.  This is what I love about working for my city's public school system; the breaks that always seem to come at the right time.

Alas, Monday morning will bring a return to the grind.  Oh, well…

Hope everyone had a great day and a great week.  Ciao!

There are 245 days remaining before my 50th birthday.  In anticipation of reaching half-a-hundred, I am working on my gift to myself right now.  For my 50th, I have determined to partake of my own brand of extreme makeover, and in the process, I've set some major goals for myself: 

Get closer to God through an increase in prayer and studying His Word.            

I need what the old saints refer to as a Refreshing.  Life sort of beat me down in 2007, I went through some things that I NEVER thought would happen to me. Yet, through the Grace of God, I survived. I'm reminded that in 2008, strengthening my relationship with the Father is essential for every other phase of my success.  Unfortunately, life and the process of living it can get in the way, pushing back what's most important.           

Recognizing that God is my source of peace, love, financial stability, creativity, and everything else that keeps me afloat prevents me from giving up. My relationship with Jesus is what helps me through the daily bombardment of issues, worldly as well as personal that tends to overwhelm the soul.  I'm glad to know that everything that concerns me, concerns Him, and that He has instructed me through His Word to cast my cares upon Him because He cares for me.   

Get my writing career in gear.

As an employee of my city's Board of Education, I usually have summers off (Hallelujah)!  This leaves plenty of time to work on my own projects (I've been asked but rarely work summer school).  Now, what has happened over the years is that I've done NOTHING, made NO PREPARATIONS, and have ended up struggling for 2 months to make ends meet.  Well, not this time, ladies!  With the help of the Lord, I plan to write, write, write!  I plan to do copy for commercial clients, enter writing contests, hopefully land a column or a major client to sustain me over the summer, and eventually replace my salaried income.  This takes time, so I figure I'd better get started early.  Anyone have any ideas?  I'm open to suggestions from you brilliant ladies. 

Losing Weight.

Okay, I know.  This is just about everyone's New Years Resolution. However, I started before the end of 2007 due to health reasons.  My doctor diagnosed me with a lot of nasty stuff, and I simply refuse to go out that way!  The weight must come off.  I've set a goal of how much weight I want to lose before the big day that is definitely doable.  So I look forward to reaching my goal of 50 and Fabulous, (and for those of  you who may be interested) I promise to keep you in the loop.    

Well, here's my plan for the year.  Hope you all are having a wonderful 2008, Year of New Beginnings, so far.  Ciao Bellas!

or does anyone else hate that campbell's soup guy?  If I had been the man on the elevator, I would have found a way to push that creepy little guy down the elevator shaft.

And speaking of commercials, my two favorites are the Life Water commercial with the reptiles dancing with the beautiful young woman ( I love it when the grasshopper sneaks in on the dance line and the lizard eats him and then smiles with a mouth full of hardware) and the Pepsi energy drink commercial where the people are sleeping until they drink it and then they do the head bobbing, ala, A Night At the Roxbury.  LOVE 'EM!

IT'S SATURDAY...

March 8, 2008, and I had another wonderful, restful day at home. This time I cooked baked cornish hens and rice, with a nice big salad and my signature cornbread.  Yum.

I'm watching (or listening to as the case is now) "Troy" with Brad Pitt and Eric Bana.  I love this movie, and have seen it many times.  It's so physical, and even though hollywood took its usual creative licensing with history, the integrity of the story still stands.  I gained new respect for Brad Pitt as an actor.  Achilles was not an easy character for a known pretty boy to play, but Brad's intensity as he plowed through his enemies, sword in hand, was undeniable.  The battle scenes were magnificent as well and the human element of the story stood out.  In the end it boiled down to a story of love, hate, and the blood and guts of war.  Excellent Saturday cinema.

Musings on the greatest Saturday yet!

March 1, 2008 was the best Saturday I've had so far this year (yeah, yeah, I know, it's just March, but still...) Rarely do I have this kind of time to myself.  My weekdays usually begin at around 5:00 a.m.   

The daily drill consists of getting out of bed (preferably without crying) and making my way to the bathroom to brush teeth, shower body, and wash face. I strive to look halfway decent in an outfit chosen at the last minute.   Then it's out the door to my co-workers car.  Everyday we try with all our might to make the 35 mile commute and get to work on time. 

After a day of grueling work dealing with disrespectful students--and parents, counselors and teachers who think I'm their personal secretary, phones that ring EVERY second, and an over zealous principal who refers to herself in the third person, I pack up my stuff and head to the bus stop for the 2-2 1/2 hour trip home.  This is my 5 day schedule:  leave home at 7:00 a.m., arrive home at 6:45-7:00 p.m., sometimes later if I have to make a stop (running errands by way of the bus is not easy). 

Anyhoo, when the day's grind finally ends, I'm too tired to even think about doing something creative, or anything at all once I hit the door of my abode.  I fight through this exhaustive state, making my way to the kitchen to fix a quick meal, then to the couch to consume said meal in front of the TV, and finally to Sleepytown where televisions watch people instead of the other way around.

So to have a day as thoroughly relaxing as this past Saturday was for me a treat indeed! First, I got up, thanked God for life, dressed and took a leisurely walk to the bank down the street from my complex to get some change.  I returned home, fixed myself a wonderful breakfast consisting of pancakes and bacon (that's right, I said BACON!) with a slammin' cup of java.  Then I lovingly devoured my food while watching the BATMAN animated series. After breakfast, I started channel surfing and came across the Turner Network's "31 days of Oscar," which dealt with films that had either won or been nominated. 

My first trip down cinematic memory lane was the always magnificent, "Singing in the Rain," with one of the century's most brilliant dancers, the late Gene Kelly.Following SITR, was "Funny Lady," with La Streisand, maybe not as good as its predecessor, "Funny Girl," but just as engaging.  I enjoyed every rift between Fanny Brice and Billy Rose, played to the height of regular guy/over the top music producer whose extravagant, overly propped productions had about as much subtlety and class as a sledgehammer.  LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT!

Next on my day of movie-mania was the purest form of guilty pleasure for me:  Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow in "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest!"  Boy, what a hoot!  I scream-laughed at this movie.  The sword fights were brilliant:  the one between Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightly), Ragetti, Pintel and the Dutchmen reminded me of a well-choreographed dance scene--it was, at once, graceful and technically flawless.  Of course, the sword fight on the rolling Water Wheel between Will Turner (Orlando Blume) and Norrington (Jack Davenport) had me riveted to my seat with a goofy smile on my face.

I live to see Captain Jack run.  Arms flailing and eyes bucking, Jack's running down the beach from the Dutchmen resembles a child-like traipsing, rendering him less human and more cartoon-ish.  This is comical excellence along the lines of Charlie Chaplin and the Marx Bros.

And what better way to play a giant pipe organ than with your FACE!  Davy Jones was the Man!  Or should I say, the Squid... Oh yes, Captain Jack & Company were an added jewel in my Saturday afternoon crown.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the great dinner I almost burned up while captivated by the TV-succulent baked chicken, surrounded by carrots, onions, celery, and potatoes, with a big pot of cabbage, and a pan of cake-like cornbread.  

Okay, back to Turner Network and the culmination of my wonderful Saturday.  I was instantly transported to Old Hollywood Glamour heaven with my all time favorite Betty Davis movie, "All About Eve!"  The clothes were to die for, particularly Margo's (Betty Davis) black satin number, with pockets, no less(!), worn at her lover Bill's birthday/coming home party.  George Sanders as Addison DeWitt was deliciously malicious and Ann Baxter was simply superb as the backbiting, treacherous, Eve Harrington.  What great fodder!  Not only is "All About Eve" wonderful to watch, but as a study in great writing and witty dialogue, this movie remains untouched.

So there you have it, my greatest Saturday to date.  It's almost Saturday again, and I'm hoping for a repeat of rest, relaxation, and another all round great day.  Hope your belated Saturday was as great as mines!

Viva La Saturday Cinema! 

March 6, 2008

My ride to work lost his father a few days ago.  He left for Jamaica this morning.  My prayers are with him. 

No ride to work means that my commute takes on a higher level of difficulty.  I love where I live, in a suburb about 35 miles outside of Detroit.  My only problem is that I have now been drafted into the ranks of “commuter,” a position I have tried to change since moving 3+ years ago. However, jobs are scarce and my commute continues.

So, here I stand in downtown Detroit, at the cold, snowy corner of Cass and Lafayette, waiting on my third bus.  After catching 2 suburban buses, only to arrive at this juncture, I am still an hour away from my ball and chain of a job. 

My journey began at 6:14 a.m., across the street from the complex in which my warm and cozy apartment is housed. It is now 7:15 a.m. and I stand here freezing and becoming delusional; thinking that maybe if I stare at the street long enough, the bus will appear by symbiosis.  It doesn’t work.

I brought along a book of short stories by noted author, Ann Beattie. I try to read while waiting for the bus.  The biting cold seeping through my stylishly thin suede gloves makes it impossible to concentrate.  I abandon my attempt at passing the time creatively; quickly finishing the story I began reading during my suburban commute, closing the book and putting it back inside my bag.

So, here I stand, surveying my immediate surroundings as commuters from all over trickle into downtown Detroit during the early morning hours.  I watch as they exit their cars, sorely underdressed for the weather, stumbling over the dirty little snow-capped mountains that block walkways and turn street curbs into mini obstacle courses.  I watch as these commuters walk against the light, making their way to the giant bank building across the street; the same building where I used to work—what seems like eons ago.

Behind me, the front tires of a silver, midsized vehicle spin in the snow. The driver is trying to follow the parking attendant’s instructions to get as close to the car in front of her as possible.  Once satisfied, he raises his hand to signal success.  On the building connected to this lot hangs a sign that reads MONTHLY PARKING, Low Rates Available, call… then it gives the digits one is to dial for further info.  I begin to dwell on my lack of a reliable auto, thereby making it futile for me to call the number.

Finally, my bus arrives.  I board and pay my fare.  As I walk to an available seat, my purse accidentally brushes the arm of a miserable looking woman who immediately moves away, mumbling some obscenity.  Once I’m seated, she looks back at me (possibly to make sure that I know her verbiage is directed at me).  I immediately let this incident role off my back and think to myself, lady, if you only knew…

As I endure the bumpy ride to my destination, I ponder the fact that after rising at 5:00 a.m., getting dressed and arriving at the bus stop by 6:10 a.m., I’m still going to be thirty minutes late for work.  And if God does not intervene with some great financial miracle, I’ll have to get up tomorrow and do it all again.

This is why I write.

It's 7:45 a.m., est, and I'm sitting at my computer trying to write my first diary entry without having a brain aneurism.   My coffee is tasting pretty good and my television is tuned into E!.  What's on?  Only ANOTHER celebrity fashion critique program:  The "40 More Celebrity Crimes of Fashion."

As I sit, glued to my own idiot box, I'm beginning to wonder...does anyone really care about whether or not people that make waayyyy more money than most of us get it right on their fancy night, dressed for their fancy red carpet award shows?!!

YOU BET WE DO!

I can't even begin to, and therefore, won't attempt to explain what the fascination with the culture of celebrity is all about.  I just know that I'm as much a spectator as the next self proclaimed fashionista.  I found myself commenting "you ain't lying, he looks crazy," to those critics I agreed with and screaming "ARE YOU CRAZY, SHE LOOKS FABULOUS, YOU LUNATIC!" at those with whom I disagreed.  Why am I so passionate about something that has no bearing on whether or not  I can pay my rent at the first of the month (infinitely more important)?

Because, like everyone else that watches these programs religiously, I like to see people looking good.  And I like to have an opinion about what others wear ( Mary Kate and Ashley DID look psychotic).  I have loved fashion even before I knew what fashion was.  As a little girl I used to spend hours in my room, cutting out pictures from Vogue, Harper's Bazaar, EBONY, and Essence magazines, making giant fashion collages to hang on my wall--my own personal wishlist, I guess.

Now, here I sit, in my livingroom, listening to the fashion stylists and other critics as they comment on Michael Jackson arriving at court in his pajamas (HEY! SO WHAT?! HE'S MICHAEL JACKSON, PEOPLE!), Courtney Love looking like a street hooker that doesn't know she's 20 years past her prime, and Victoria Beckham, who garnered the #2 spot dressed in a much too tight and much too short black sequined hotpants and skimpy white bolero jacket outfit (I thought the fashion police were a bit harsh--for the most part I like Posh's style).   Of course, it's no surprise that the #1 spot went to Brittany Spears, although, let's be fair, at least SHE has the excuse of mental incapacity.

So, now, thanks to Splendora, I can at least PRETEND that somebody out there actually cares what a late 40ish, hometown, self-proclaimed fashionista has to say regarding The Culture of Style. 

Still, I look forward to the day when I join the ranks of the media fashion police and people other than my closests friends will clammer to hang on MY every word...