White as I am

I don't understand why I'm as White as I am

I lived all my life to get that Coppertone Tan

Oh why am I

as white as I am

Once I went to resort with 1 min tanning stand. Warning message said do not exceed 1 min. I did one min, went to play saw nothing, then came back...another min...repeat that 7 times...and 7 minutes later still nothing...well hours later (that night) it all hit. I was cooked from the inside out.

My eyes began to water uncontrollably, my skin and muscles withdrew and I had to miss a day of school because my skin drew up so tight I could not walk but hunched back.

 After a few days the skin (dried up) and as I went to stand up straight the skin on the back of my kneecaps crunched like an Onion! 

Oh my lordy, don't you ladies just hate having to pull out those little hairs between your eyes with the tweezers.  Have you ever found a product like nair that works?